No. 30 Knightsbridge

I'm giving the Knightsbridge Roof Garden a five star review because I've always loved the Fawlty Towers TV show, and staying here felt like being stuck in 3 day long episode. I think the problem is that the KRG can't decide if it's a hotel, an Airbnb, a hostel or a homeless shelter. Or maybe a mix of all four? It definitely charges hotel room rates- a three day stay costs over £900. I didn't see any staff, aside from the girl who turned up 40 minutes late to let me in, so in that way it's like an Airbnb. There's a hostel-type, shared experience vibe amongst the guests as everyone's suffering the same way, like the passengers on the sinking Titanic or a 1970s airline hostage situation. The homeless shelter comparison is unkind as, in fairness, homeless shelters are clean. If the CIA are still running interrogation centers, they could do worse than the Knightsbrigde Roof Gardens. The sleep deprivation is pure torture- the oil boys like to rev their sports cars around Knightsbridge until 1 in the morning while blasting top tunes through souped-up speakers. You won't get any sleep but you will get an appreciation for the top tunes in the world of persian power pop. Some other minor issues: Regarding the quality of the room, furnishings, decor etc I've fairly low standards and couldn't give a fair opinion. The breakfast options are limited as there is no breakfast. The elevator door sets off an alarm if it isn't closed properly so you'll have to get up and close it if your room is next to it. You're charged a separate £50 cleaning fee for unmade beds, unchanged towels and crisps left on the floor by a previous resident. All in all, I'd recommend the Knightsbridge Roof Garden to my worst enemy as (1) they'd get no sleep, (ii) feel like a mug after paying in advance and, as advised by the sole staff member I dealt with, (iii) could get trapped in the elevator. To retain your dignity, sleep patterns and hard earned cash, avoid this place.

I have stayed in worse places but I can't remember when. The one saving grace for 30 Pavillion Road is its location, only a couple of hundred metres from the Knightsbridge tube station, Harrods just around the corner and any number of bars and restaurants are only a few staps away. The bed was comfortable and the bedlinen clean. BUT ... this place is truly dangerous. Access to the upper floors (where the accomodation is located) is via an antiquated Heath Robinson type industrial lift. To enter or leave it you must open 2 separate doors which require quite an effort. If anyone forgets to close any of the doors properly when leaving it the lift won't operate. When a function is being held on the lower floor they pile chairs into the lift rendering it inaccessible. On our 2nd night this was the case and there were also chairs piled in the stairway. To access our room we had to get past the kitchen staff trying to do their job, climb around the piled up chairs and over fire extinguishers. If a fire had broken out (see later) it would have been impossible to get out of the building. This place needs to be checked by the appropriate security accreditation authority. The noise from the function on the 2nd night invaded the entire building, preventing sleep. Next day the mess from the function lay around for a good part of the day, preventing use of the roof top terrace. In our room (number 14) the tap in the toilet handbasin gave only a trickle of water. No water ran at all from it's cold tap . God only knows if hot water would eventually come out of the hot one as it would take too long to find out. The toilet would not flush. We were assured that a plumber had fixed it but the problem persisted. In the bathroom the hand basin plug could not be raised for emptying. There was an electirc towel rail (great for drying towels) but the cover on its electic wiring was broken exposing the wires, a dangerous security risk in a room where water is present. There was only a tiny, cheap plastic rubbish bin (with no plastic throw away bag), insufficient for a 4 night stay. The safe in our room did not work (I've ticked the "no" box on the question below as it didn't work). Our towels were not changed during our entire stay. The TV had only 5 or 6 channels and often the reception was patchy. Perhaps because of the prevalence of embassies in the neighbourhood and their jamming devices. There were no glasses in the room or bathroom. Upon our arrival we were given 2 pods for the Nespresso machine located one floor below. This and a tiny electric kettle. After our 2 cups of coffee we never saw any more pods, neither in our room nor where the machine is located. To make a cup of tea i was obliged to fetch the kettle, go back to the rom to fill it, go back down to where its base was, heat the water, and either carry a cup of boiling hot water or the kettle back up to the room to make the tea (provided there were teabags available). All weekend there were dirty cups and saucers around the coffee machine and kettle. No staff bothered to do anything about it. Any reasonable accomodation centre has a minimal supply of tourist information literature. Not 30 Pavillion Road ! Not even a simple map of London (most department stores provide a stock free of charge). With 17 years experience in the tourist accomodation industry I could not recommend this place tomy worst enemy.

Good points Nice Toiletries from Penhaligon’s. Breakfast - served in the room with linen napkin & silver cutlery, good selection plus a choice of 4 newspapers. Staff – helpful staff, but no bar or proper reception area, it is just a small office down a corridor on the 2nd floor. Bad points Avoid room 4. It is tiny, very narrow single bed along one wall, no bedside table. Bath in poor condition (patchy enamel, rusty plug) and is in the same room. No shower, the bath is next to the window which overlooks the terrace. If you enjoy bathing with an audience, then this is for you. I had to keep the blind down all the time I was there. No desk or workspace. TV is not ideally placed if you are watching in bed. No kettle or fridge but two bottles of water are provided. Breakfast – Day 1: it was 10 mins late, no milk or sugar. Day 2: I got milk & sugar but no newspaper. Lift – to get in, you press a buzzer at street level to be given access to the building via what I suspect used to be a service lift. You step directly into this lift from the street. No clear instructions on any of the lift doors. It broke down on the first day so guests were taken through back of house, to Searcy’s hospitality venue next door. When the lift was back in action (day 2) it took me several attempts to work out how to actually get out on the third floor. I would have liked the opportunity to speak to someone when I left, but the “reception” office was locked up. I had (unfortunately) paid on arrival.