Empress Hotel

I’ve stayed in some sketchy hotels, but this one is by far the worst. I would probably have preferred a night in prison. I can’t even adequately describe how disgusting the property is. Nothing works properly. I slept on top of the comforter and left early in the morning and found another hotel. It may be cheap, but don’t waste your money.

It’s good for the price you pay! There’s a small but private bathroom (difficult to find at this price), our room was clean and the reception was really kind and accommodative. The position was really great (10 min walk from Bourbon St.), really quiet area, also close to public transportation if you need to go far.

Holy wow! Our original hotel fell thru and this was our next to only last minute option. Ms Brook’s was very kind on the phone. However, prior to the opportunity to speak with her, I tried to reserve a room the night before and was told I could not pay for it over the phone but I could call in the morning and pay for it. Strange, but okay… so I called and that’s when I spoke with Ms Brooks. She informed me that she would send me a form via email I had to sign to reserve the room. Okay… at this point we are leaving in less than 2 hours and we need a place to sleep. So I fill it out, including my credit card number and sign it and email it back. $125/night did seem too good to be true with “monitored parking” two blocks from the French Quarter. So… fast forward… we arrive Monday (Lundi Gras) to the Empress Hotel. We are immediately shook with what we observed. This hotel is nowhere that you want to be under any circumstances. This is reminiscent of a horror film that is a cross between Jeffrey Dahmer’s hotel choice and a homeless shelter. We parked our car, completely emptied it because we didn’t want to leave ANYTHING in it and we go inside. We are greeted by “Jules” who while flamboyant, was very very very under the influence. Without giving away my employment, this man appears to have been “up” for many many days and may finally be on the download transcend. This was CONFIRMED by Darnell, a new yet most senior employee per his own accord at a whopping tenure of 10 days, who graciously informed us, also lives at the hotel. Back to Jules, he could fill out the HANDWRITTEN paperwork required for our room, but thanks to my partner, we were able to walk him thru it and we were given our room key. Now… most think of a key card. Nope. Not at the Empress Hotel. We were given a literal deadbolt key to our room. An actual deadbolt key. Jules, while head bobbing and beyond blitzed, escorted to our “room”. We were escorted to our room, up a winding closet like staircase, down a very long consider of a hallway, lined in 80’s full length mirrors when we finally arrived to our room but not before Darnell tells us that if we want to use the vending machines to do so slowly with quarters only and one at a time. Once we arrived with Jules to our room, he unlocked the deadbolt, only the deadbolt because THERE IS NO DOR KNOB, only a deadbolt and a metal handle like from a cabinet on a hollow door that appears to have been kicked in at some point. We are reminded that we are never allowed to leave the hotel WITH our room key. We have to turn it in before we leave and li k it back up from the 24 hour desk staffed by literal active drug users. At this point I am about to have a panic attack. The room we have in front of us can only be described with the following- Maybe 10x10 with one full size bed, two of the flattest pillows I’ve ever seen, a mini fridge ON THE FLOOR that was not plugged in, a window unit AC, a space heater on the night table and a chair. The tv was plugged into an extension cord and was maybe 24” on a shelf 6 foot high and on the same wall as the bed. The window was approx 2x3. The linen looked as if it came from National Lampoon’s Family Vacation Gone Wrong. Jules confirms the TV works and leaves. There is no toilet paper or a roll to put the toilet paper on. There are no plug in outlets in the bathroom. The trash can might fit a soda can. We can’t figure out where to put our luggage or initially why the fridge was hot. Once plugged in, the fridge probably worked the best of everything in the hotel. While most structures have an overhead light, this hotel room has an outdoor porch light mounted on the wall for illumination. The lanolin was peeling, dated, and completely missing in others. The shower curtain was fabric and was hung too far in to the shower making it very hard to shower and not be touching said shower curtain. There was good water pressure. There are exposed wires outside. This is an OSHA nightmare and no way would pass any inspection. There is no microwave in the room however there was a microwave on one of the balcony porches we assume was available for public use. The walls were paper thin and nothing at all was going to be a secret in any room. It appears you could find any assortment of illicit drugs without ever leaving the hotel. It was a sketchy but convenient walk to the French Quarter. If you have ANY other options, use those. I feel we are on the way to the Health Department to ensure we aren’t taking some kind of funk home with us.